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Why an internet relationship?

As private investigators we frequently are asked, "Why is my husband cheating online?" In our experience, it seems that the internet is a safer and easier place to meet people than the real world is. Online, anyone is allowed to be the person they want to be. Maybe someone wants to appear to be better looking, richer, or happier. It is safe to be that person when you are online. Mike, who was a mechanic in the Navy ten years ago in real life, becomes Mike the former "Navy Seal" on-line. Michelle, whose college roommate became a model in the real world "does some modeling" when chatting with her friends in cyberspace. You can type things on the internet that you would never say in the real world. In short, it gives people a place to fill a lagging self-esteem or to compensate for the short comings of their own, personal, real life.

Once your cheating spouse has met someone on-line who sounds exciting, sexy and interesting, they will spend time learning about this person. Your boyfriend/girlfriend begins to fantasize about how this person looks, how well they relate to on another, and so on and so forth. As the "relationship" goes on, the two get to know each other better and the talk of the real world begins to enter their conversations. Trust develops between your husband or your wife and this person, as they feel that they relate to each other, and it builds as more time goes by. It then gets to the point where they begin to be even more honest, sometimes totally honest, and an internet affair becomes a real relationship or an affair outside of cyberspace.

Does cheating online really happen?

Over half of all U.S. households have Internet access, making the 40 million sexually explicit Web sites, chat rooms, bulletin boards and interactive games completely available to anyone who cares to partake. An estimated 20 to 33 percent of Internet users go online for sexual purposes; most are male, about 35 years old, married with children, and well educated. As many as 17 percent of users become addicted to online sexual activity. In the coming years, as the number of households with Internet access grows, it can be expected that more and more couples will suffer a variety of problems related to online infidelity.

Sexual behavior over the Internet can easily threaten relationships because it is extremely accessible, affordable, and the ability to hide one's identity helps people feel they can escape being caught. Online sexual behavior is proving to be highly addictive to some users and serious relationship problems are reported in almost all marriages in which one partner is cybersex addicted. Even if the user does not become addicted, problems can still exist between partners.

How Does Online Sexual Behavior Start?

Online chatting or e-mailing can begin simply as a distraction from boredom or emotional distress. Behaviors that were once off limits in a face-to-face situation with strangers are suddenly available through the Internet. Individuals seeking to connect with a potential partner via the Internet can present themselves in any way they choose, and can omit information they don't want others to know. What started innocently can easily advance to a real life emotional and/or physical extramarital affair. However, even if the behavior never advances to meeting in person, many partners view cybersex chatting and/or pornography viewing as a form of infidelity, a threat to the marriage, and as emotionally distressing as a "live" affair.

What are the Signs?

Over half of all U.S. households have Internet access. This makes 40 million sexually explicit Web sites, chat rooms, bulletin boards and interactive games completely available to anyone who cares to view them. An estimated 20 to 33 percent of Internet users go online for sexual based purposes. Most are males, about 35 years of age, married with children, and well educated. As many as 17 percent of users become addicted to online sexual activity. In the coming years, as the number of households with Internet access grows, it can be expected that more and more couples will suffer a variety of problems related to cheating online. Some become more serious, READ our Spouse and Child Porn Porn Page.

Sexual behavior via the Internet can easily threaten relationships because it is extremely accessible, highly affordable, and the ability to hide one's identity, as is offered online, helps people to feel that they can escape being caught. Online sexual behavior is proving to be highly addictive to some users and serious relationship problems are reported in almost all marriages in which one partner is cybersex addicted. Even if the user does not become addicted, problems can still exist between spouses.

How Does Online Sexual Behavior Start?

Online chatting or e-mailing can begin simply as a distraction from boredom or from emotional distress. Behaviors that were once off limits in a face-to-face situation with strangers are suddenly available through the use of the internet. Individuals seeking to connect with a potential partner via the Internet can present themselves in any way they choose, and can omit information they don't want others to know. What started innocently can easily advance to a real life emotional and/or physical extramarital affair. However, even if the behavior never advances to meeting in person, many partners view cybersex chatting and/or pornography viewing as a form of cheating online, a threat to the marriage, and as emotionally distressing as a "live" affair.

What are the Signs that you have a cheating Spouse online?

Problems that arise from having a cheating spouse online include loss of trust, a decrease in self-esteem, and a sense of isolation. Some of those who are cheating online begin to have difficulty becoming aroused by their husband/wife, may avoid sex, and experience emotional distress in their other relationships. In fact, 52 percent of cyber sex users lose interest in relational sex. Or, to the other extreme, the user may request or demand sexual behaviors that the boyfriend or girlfriend may find offensive. You may notice a significant change in sleep patterns, the demand for privacy, and the cheating spouse may make excuses for spending time alone. If you suspect your partner is viewing child pornography or any other illegal porn please READ our Spouse and Child Porn Page. To be in a secure and loving relationship is to be desired and to be thought of as special. It is our main source of security, emotional safety, and comfort as human beings. Infidelity of any kind disrupts this special bond and one or both partners no longer have the sense of being connected in a secure, safe relationship. When you suspect your spouse of cheating online, you may become overly sensitive to your husband or wives activities and whereabouts, searching for evidence of their wrongdoing. One or both partners may obsessively think about the other's behavior, have problems sleeping, have difficulty focusing at work, and dealing with other tasks requiring attention to detail, such as driving.

Likely Reactions to Confrontation

After a confrontation, both partners may agree there has been a betrayal of trust. The goals from that point are to move beyond it, recover from the betrayal, or resolve what led to the betrayal, and sometimes to repair the relationship. In other situations, the innocent partner experiences the situation as a betrayal, but the wife or husband who is cheating online is hesitant about giving up their internet relations because he or she believes no real harm has been done by them. Then the couple is stuck. In some cases, the situation is worsened if the cheater has lost a job, been arrested, or has a health concern (such as worry over sexually transmitted diseases after a physical affair). Some times after confrontation, the person who is cheating online is fearful of losing their relationship with their spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend (and children, pets, finances). At the same time they are also fearful of loosing their online relationship. He or she usually only discloses what he or she thinks the partner has already discovered, or is likely to discover, or be told by an outside party. Sometimes the user will even say that he or she reached a sexual Web site by accident or that it happened while looking for or chatting about something else. Pop ups are a very popular explanation for finding these sites. He or she wants to avoid having to admit any foul play at all costs. People in this mindset are reluctant to change or seek help. Some try to blame their partners for not engaging in sexual behaviors and activities requested, which in turn "forced" him or her to seek satisfaction by viewing pornography or chatting with someone online. Partners feel betrayed because the cheater has been sharing information that has previously been thought to be private and only within their relationship, especially if the dialogue contains emotional intensity or sexually suggestive flirtations, or if the user has arranged to meet with the other person face-to-face.

Seeking Help

Reluctance to change is the first thing that must be resolved. Any hesitation should be replaced by a desire for making plans to take action that will improve the relationship. In some instances, the betrayed boyfriend or girlfriend may be so disgusted or angered by what the cheating spouse has done, that a period of separation may be useful to gather thoughts or to reduce feelings of shame that often comes. A trained mental health professional can assess your particular situation and recommend the best course of action and treatment.

A therapist will likely want to determine if the offender is addicted to their cheating online behavior. If so, the therapist may be able to offer their support and assistance in the development of a plan, which might include restrictions on future computer use, accountability measures, and finding a 12-step program or support group meeting. Some tips for changing behavior of a cheating spouse include:

£ Use pictures of spouse, family, or other important people as a screen saver so the user can see what is important to him or her each time they sit down to their computer. £ Move the computer your boyfriend or girlfriend uses to an open area in the home.
£ Do not allow the cheating spouse to use the Internet alone; only permit going online when family members or supportive friends are present and able to supervise.
£ Use the computer only for specific, planned tasks that have been reviewed with someone who will hold the user accountable for activities.
£ Reward periods of time when there is no restricted online behavior.
£ Control Internet access with filtering or blocking software, or use an Internet Service Provider that already filters Internet content. If you want to catch your cheating spouse online, you can use monitoring software that e-mails reports of visited sites to a chosen person.

With help, couples can moves toward re-establishing trust and their sexual relationship. In the end, the couple will have strengthened their ability to repair problems, possibly be able to look for the good in each other, and find ways to successfully discuss and resolve long-standing issues within there relationship.

If you suspect that your spouse is addicted to porn and much worse they could be addicted to child porn, you could be living with a child predator and not even know it. This a serious issue, and though you might know the ins and outs of it, I urge you to see our Spouse and Child Porn page on this topic. This is an eye opener and a must see.

The best way to get proof of an On-Line Affair, Online Cheating or Cyber Sex

As private investigators we see it everyday. Clients whose spouse or loved one is cheating on them and carrying on this relationship over the internet. We STRONGLY recommend that you consider handling things yourself and install one of these discreet software programs in order to get your own proof. They are EASY TO INSTALL AND USE. You don't need to be a programmer or high end computer user. Installation and use is easy and can be done by anyone. If you think you husband is cheating online please install our software.

eBlaster for Windows - NEW VERSION 3.0!

NEW eBlaster 3.0 - Now Records and Automatically Forwards Email!

eBlaster lets you know EXACTLY what your spouse or family members are doing on the internet, even if you are thousands of miles away. eBlaster records their emails, chats, instant messages, the web sites they visit and keystrokes typed. Then eBlaster automatically sends this recorded information to your own email address. Additionally, this happens within seconds of them sending or receiving an email.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHACE

Spector Professional Edition for Windows

Now with Web Mail capture!

Spector Professional Edition automatically takes hundreds of snapshots every hour AND includes TRUE email capture, even web-based email accounts, such as Hotmail, Yahoo mail, etc. Spector Professional edition also offers TRUE chat and instant messenger communication capture, and now includes the world's best Key Logger. In addition, Spector Pro provides IMMEDIATE NOTIFICATION when your girlfriend/ boyfriend or your spouse encounters dangerous or inappropriate web sites, emails or chats.

Our software was awarded PC Magazine Editors' Choice for best Surveillance Software in July of 2002. Spector Pro is the only program available that will capture web-based email such as Yahoo mail, Hotmail, Excite mail and AOL web based emails. With Spector Pro, you will be able to actually see in exact detail what your spouse, kids and employees have been doing online and offline.

Please be aware that these programs work in stealth, and there are other software products available that are designed to locate spy software, such as this, on a computer. It is also well known that products like these exist and some cheating online spouses will be aware of the potential for you purchase software that allows you to monitor their online activities. We also advise that you consult with an attorney or the law enforcement agency in your area to verify the legality of using such spy software programs where you currently live. Be advised that we are not attorneys and cannot attest to the circumstances under which someone can employ these programs to watch someone else's activities.

What if you think he or she is watching for you to watch them online?

If you feel that this is the case and you know a little bit about computers, we have just the right tool for the job! Key Ghost is NOT software. It is a small device that you can plug into the back of your computer. Key Ghost does all of the same work software based key loggers can do but cannot be found by spy ware detection programs. You will be able to record and retrieve everything typed on the computer with the device, including emails, chat room activity, instant messages, website addresses, search engine searches and much more. No software installation is necessary to record or retrieve keystrokes! If the husband cheating online is computer savvy just like you are this is the perfect tool for you.

Is the cheater watching you?

If that does not get the job done, as you had hoped, then there are an endless number of software programs that can help you to monitor any computer and help you to get the proof you need. Our private investigative agency has experience with many of these different types of software and we have presented those that we think can get the job done correctly and reliably below. Be sure to review them in detail and get a very good understanding of how they work. We are confident that all of them can be run by just about anyone. You don't need to be a PI or a computer programmer to use them.

With spy ware being as sophisticated as it is, this type of monitoring device is very difficult to locate without extensive knowledge of computers and their operating systems. Fortunately, there are several equally as sophisticated programs available to help detect spy ware someone is using to watch you with, all are offered at very affordable prices. These programs can be installed by almost anyone and do not require paying an expert to come to your home and get right in the middle of your private affairs. If you suspect that your spouse cheating online may be watching you, we encourage you to visit these software providers who we feel offer excellent products to assist you:

Do It Yourself Online Advice for Those Who Suspect They Have a Husband Cheating Online, or a Spouse, Girlfriend or Boyfriend

E-Mail Tracing

If you know that your loved one is receiving e-mail from a certain person but you don't know their identity, help is available. As trained licensed private investigators, we have the ability to trace most e-mail accounts or e-mails back to their senders. Not all e-mails can be traced and several types of "anonymous" e-mail accounts exist, but the majority of e-mail accounts, including AOL accounts can be traced back to the sender. At Mate Check, we charge $ 425.00 flat rate for our basic e-mail trace. This includes the name and address of the owner of the e-mail account that sent the message. If we cannot get you the owner, we charge $ 100.00 and return the remaining $ 325.00 immediately. Note: if you need this done for litigation purposes, the cost will vary inasmuch as additional procedures will need to be employed to hold up in court

We enjoyed the following article about cheating online and how you can catch your spouse in the act. From the show Dr. Phil on Adultery.

2008 AAMFT Consumer Update Online Infidelity

· Over half of all U.S. households have Internet access, making the 40 million sexually explicit Web sites, chat rooms, bulletin boards and interactive games completely available to anyone who cares to partake. An estimated 35 to 50 percent of Internet users go online for sexual purposes; most are male, about 35 years old, married with children, and well educated. As many as 23 percent of users become addicted to online sexual activity. In the coming years, as the number of households with Internet access grows, it can be expected that more and more couples will suffer a variety of problems related to online infidelity. Sexual behavior over the Internet can easily threaten relationships because it is extremely accessible, affordable, and the ability to hide one's identity helps people feel they can escape being caught. Online sexual behavior is proving to be highly addictive to some users and serious relationship problems are reported in almost all marriages in which one partner is cybersex addicted. Even if the user does not become addicted, problems can still exist between partners. How does online sexual behavior start?

Online chatting or e-mailing can begin simply as a distraction from boredom or emotional distress. Behaviors that were once off limits in a face-to-face situation with strangers are suddenly available through the Internet. Individuals seeking to connect with a potential partner via the Internet can present themselves in any way they choose, and can omit information they don't want others to know. What started innocently can easily advance to a real life emotional and/or physical extramarital affair. However, even if the behavior never advances to meeting in person, many partners view cybersex chatting and/or pornography viewing as a form of infidelity, a threat to the marriage, and as emotionally distressing as a "live affair. What are the signs?

Problems that arise include loss of trust, a decrease in self-esteem, and a sense of isolation. Some users begin to have difficulty becoming aroused by their partners, avoid sex, and experience emotional distress in their relationships. In fact, 52 percent of cybersex users lose interest in relational sex. Or, to the other extreme, the user may request or demand sexual behaviors that the partner finds offensive. The partner may notice a significant change in sleep patterns, the demand for privacy, and the user may make excuses for spending time alone.

To be in a secure love relationship is to be desired and thought of as special. It is our main source of security, emotional safety, and comfort. Infidelity of any kind disrupts this special bond and one or both partners no longer have the sense of being connected in a secure, safe haven. In the case of Internet infidelity, when a partner suspects the user is engaging in cybersex behaviors, he or she may become overly sensitive to the partners activities and whereabouts, searching for evidence of wrongdoing. One or both partners may obsessively think about the other's behavior, have problems sleeping, have difficulty focusing at work, and dealing with other tasks requiring attention to detail such as driving.

Likely Reactions to Confrontation

After a confrontation, both partners may agree there has been a betrayal and the goals are to move beyond it, recover, resolve what led to the betrayal, and repair the relationship. Other times, the partner experiences the situation as a betrayal, but the user is hesitant about giving up the Internet behavior because he or she believes no real harm has been done; then the couple is stuck. In some cases, the situation is worsened if the user has lost a job, been arrested, or has a health concern (such as worry over sexually transmitted diseases after a physical affair).

Some times after confrontation, the user is fearful of losing the relationship with the partner (and children, pets, finances) and at the same time also fearful of loss of the online behavior. He or she usually only discloses what he or she thinks the partner has already discovered, or is likely to discover, or be told by an outside party. Sometimes the user will even say that he or she reached a sexual Web site by accident or that it happened while looking for or chatting about something else. He or she wants to avoid having to admit any wrongdoing at all costs. Users in this mindset are reluctant to change or seek help. Some users try to blame the partner for not engaging in sexual behaviors requested, which "forced" him or her to seek satisfaction by viewing pornography or chatting with someone online. Partners feel betrayed because the user has been sharing information that has been thought to be private within the relationship, especially if the dialogue contains emotional intensity or sexually suggestive flirtations, or if the user has arranged to meet with the other person face-to-face. Seeking Help

Reluctance to change must first be resolved. Any hesitation should be replaced by a desire to make a plan and take action to improve the relationship. In some cases, the betrayed partner may be so disgusted or angry by what the user has done, that a period of separation may be useful to cool down or reduce feelings of shame. A trained mental health professional can assess your particular situation and recommend the best course of action and treatment.

A therapist will likely want to determine if the user is addicted. If so, the therapist will offer support and assistance in the development of a plan, which might include restrictions on further computer use, accountability measures, and finding a 12-step or support group meeting. Some tips for changing behavior include:

· Use pictures of spouse, family or other important people as a screen saver so the user can see what is important to him or her each time the computer is accessed.
· Move the computer to an open area in the home.
· Do not use the Internet alone; go online only when family members or supportive friends are present.
· Use the computer only for specific, planned tasks that have been reviewed with someone who will hold you accountable.
· Have periods of time when no online behavior happens.
· Control Internet access with filtering or blocking software, or use an Internet Service Provider that already filters Internet content. You can also use monitoring software that e-mails reports of visited sites to a chosen person.
· With help, the couple moves toward re-establishing trust and their sexual relationship. In the end, the couple will have strengthened their ability to repair problems, look for the good in each other, and find ways to successfully discuss and resolve long standing issues.