Affair
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For the 1960s pop group, see Love Affair (band).
An affair may refer to a form of nonmonogamy, to infidelity or to adultery. Where an affair lacks both overt and covert sexual behaviour and yet exhibits intense or enduring emotional intimacy it is called an emotional affair. 'Affair' may be used as a euphemism and in some cases to add glamour to an illicit liaison or it may be used to slander.
Affair has the same word origins as affect an affair implies bonds of affection, but not necessarily so. Some affairs are premeditatively cold, exploitative or designed to extract information or to provide the basis for later blackmail or grounds for divorce.
In the most general sense, affair may be used to connote professional, personal, or public business. These include meetings or other functions, or tasks that need to be completed. For example, one might say, "I have other affairs to attend to at the moment." It may also refer to a particular business or private activity, as in family affair or private affair. An affair, in the political sense, typically refers to any kind of involvement in illicit business by any kind of public representatives, such as in the Watergate affair. Like the earlier definition this is not always the case for example the British Government has a Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs, which is a perfectly legitimate (and usually honorable) position.
Sex and romance
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Close relationships |
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Affinity Attachment Bonding Casual Cohabitation Compersion Concubinage Courtship Divorce Dower, dowry and bride price Friendship Family Husband Infatuation Intimacy Jealousy Limerence Love Marriage Monogamy Nonmonogamy Office romance Passion Partner Pederasty Polygamy Platonic love Psychology of monogamy Relationship abuse Romance Sexuality Separation Wedding Widowhood Wife |
Some have argued that the wide spread occurrence of extramarital affairs is polygamy by stealth. These are relationships where an illicit sexual, romantic relationship or a romantic friendship, passionate attachment occurs alongside a monogamous relationship. Those extra-marital affairs that continue in one form or another for decades, even as one of the partners to that affair passes through a marriage, divorce and remarriage. Over that length of time one could consider the affair the primary relationship and the marriages secondary to it a case of serial polygamy or other forms of nonmonogamy. An affair is also when you have relations with one person, but have intercourse with another. The ability to pursue serial affairs or marriages in this way whilst safeguarding the conflict of interest inherent in the practice, requires considerable skill in deception and negotiation.
Deception is the "covert manipulation of perception to alter thoughts, feeling, or beliefs". It points to the degree to which the deceiver may breach fundamental conditions of fidelity, reciprocal vulnerability and transparency assumed as pre-conditions of committed intimate relationships.
Affair is not only used to describe cheating but may also describe part of an agreement referred to as open marriage, which sanctions some extramarital affairs and not others. When one of the non-sanctioned affairs occurs it is described as infidelity and often experienced as a betrayal both of trust and integrity.
Affairs are sometimes accompanied by scandal. When used in this context, "affair" usually implies sexual impropriety, but that is not necessarily the case. For example, in the classic film An Affair to Remember, the love affair in question might be considered acceptable from some moral standpoints. However, an emotional affair can be as devastating for the one who is excluded or betrayed by it as if a full sexual liaison had occurred. By contrast the film Dangerous Liaisons shows many sides to a culture of illicit affairs between the main characters. It explores the escalating costs of covert and immoral adventures.
The linkage of sex and romance with affair provides the basis for entertainment in advertising, art, literature, film, plays and in TV soaps. It can fuel crusades against monogamy or promoting the value of monogamy.
Famous affairs
See also Sex scandal
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Affair of the diamond necklace
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Cunningham-Agee Affair
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Dreyfus Affair
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Harden-Eulenburg Affair
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Hemings-Jefferson Affair
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Lavon Affair
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The Lewinsky Scandal (Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky)
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Lillehammer affair
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Stevenson-Lloyd George Affair
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Iran-Contra affair
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The Makropulos Affair (play and opera)
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Profumo Affair
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Sokal Affair
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Spiegel Affair
Further reading
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Schmitt, D. P., et al. (2004). Patterns and universals of mate poaching across 53 nations: The effects of sex, culture, and personality on romantically attracting another person's partner. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 86, 560-584.
See also
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Infidelity
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Adultery
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Extramarital sex
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Emotional affair
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Political scandal
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Office romance
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Sex scandal
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Scandals
External links
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United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, On marital infidelity and the prospects for healing in the relationship
Categories:
Articles lacking
in-text citations
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Politics by issue
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Sexual fidelity
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Marriage
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Intimate
relationships
What is an Affair?
Just the other day,
I again found myself
thinking about the
question "What is an
affair?"
Understanding that
the left hemisphere
of the brain is used
for more logic and
systematic thinking
and the right
hemisphere of the
brain is used for
more abstract and
emotional thinking,
here is how I
processed the
question. (Please,
no email offering
assessments on
possible mental
disorders that I may
have.)
Left Brain: In the
context of marital
infidelity, an
affair is when a
married individual
has intercourse with
a person to whom
they are not
married.
Right Brain: No,
wait. Must it be
intercourse? Or,
could it include any
kind of "sexual
contact?"
Left Brain: Hmm...
Alright. How about
this: In the context
of marital
infidelity, an
affair is when a
married individual
has sexual contact
with a person to
whom they are not
married.
Right Brain: No,
wait. What about the
emotional element.
What about the
feeling?
Left Brain: Hmm...
Alright. How about
this: In the context
of marital
infidelity, an
affair is when a
married individual
has sexual contact
and emotional
attraction to a
person to whom they
are not married.
Right Brain: No,
wait. What about a
"one night stand?"
Emotional? Lust,
maybe. But,
emotional? Apples
and oranges.
Left Brain: Hmm...
Alright. How about
this: In the context
of marital
infidelity, an
affair is when a
married individual
has sexual contact
and/or emotional
attraction to a
person to whom they
are not married.
Right Brain:
Emotional
attraction? Any
emotional
attraction? Really?
Left Brain: Hmm...
Alright. How about
this: In the context
of marital
infidelity, an
affair is when a
married individual
has sexual contact
and/or inappropriate
emotional attraction
to a person to whom
they are not
married.
Right Brain: Wait!
Why are we doing
this?
Left Brain: You
know. We get asked
this question all
the time. People
want to know if they
or their spouse is
guilty of committing
an "affair" in order
to understand what
just happened and
then to begin the
recovery process.
Right Brain: Hmm...
How about this: In
the context of
marital infidelity,
an affair is however
the offended spouse
defines it.
Left Brain: I hate
it when you do that.
(Again, please, no
email offering
assessments on
possible mental
disorders that I may
have. I already know
of them.)
Discussions (or
arguments) about
what to include or
exclude from the
definition of
marital infidelity
is an effective way
to get lost down a
path where "Left
Brainers" typically
dwell and where
"Right Brainers"
typically get
offended. The bottom
line to the question
is, "Specifically,
what was it about
the inappropriate
relationship' that
caused the damage in
the marriage?" Was
it the sex ([insert
definition here]),
the emotional bond,
the amount of time
spent together, the
physical attraction?
What was it? Talk
about it. Get a
clear understanding.
If you don't
understand how or
why it happened and
why it hurt the
spouse, the
probability of it
happening again is
very high.
Asking others to
define the term for
you is not the
answer. If you boil
it all down, you are
left with the fact
that you both need
to work together in
developing a plan to
prevent this "beast"
from ever attacking
your marriage again.
If you don't know
what it looks like,
if you don't know
where it hides, if
you don't know what
its touch feels
like, then how will
you ever protect
your marriage from
its venom again?
Food for thought...


