• Infidelity

  In a religious context, infidelity is an absence of faith in the beliefs or teachings of a religion; one who lacks such faith is an infidel. According to recent usages, infidelity or unfaithfulness is a voluntary failure to comply with tacit or explicit sexual (or, less commonly, emotional) mores, such as commitment to monogamy. Statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct and 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. If you have suspicious, warnings or signals of infidelity by your spouse or partner, consider some of the following and be as impartial as possible.
  
  Different couples (or groups)—and even different individuals—may have different ideas of what constitutes infidelity. For example, a person may not want his or her partner flirting with anyone else, may accept that but draw the line at petting, may be comfortable with their partner having limited sexual contact or may allow them intercourse with others, or something in between; additionally, a person who identifies as heterosexual may accept his or her partner engaging in homosexual but not heterosexual acts with others, or vice versa. Infidelity within marriage is often called adultery.
   

• Adultery

  Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who is sexually involved with a married person is also considered an adulterer.
  
  The common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. It was also known in earlier times by the legalistic term alienation of affection.
  
  The sexual partner of a person committing adultery is often referred to in legal documents (especially divorce proceedings) as a co-respondent, while the person whose spouse has been unfaithful is often labeled a cuckold; originally, the latter term was applied only to males, but in more recent times women have been characterized in this way too. A marriage in which both spouses agree that it is acceptable to have sexual relationships with other people is termed open marriage and the resulting sexual relationships, though still adulterous, are not treated as such by the spouses.
  
  Historically adultery has been subject to severe sanctions including the death penalty and has been grounds for divorce under fault-based divorce laws. In some places the method for punishing adultery is stoning to death. In the original Napoleonic Code, a man could ask to be divorced from his wife if she committed adultery, but the adultery of the husband was not a sufficient motive unless he had kept his concubine in the family home. In many jurisdictions (i.e, Austria, Korea, Taiwan), adultery is still illegal. In the United States, laws vary from state to state. For example, in Pennsylvania, adultery is technically punishable by 2 years of imprisonment or 18 months of treatment for insanity (for history, see Hamowy).
  
  That being said, such statutes are typically considered blue laws, and are rarely, if ever, enforced. In the U.S. Military, adultery is a court-marital offense only if it was "to the prejudice of good order and discipline" or of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces. This has been applied to cases where both partners were members of the military (and particularly where one is in command of the other), or one partner and the others spouse. The enforceability of criminal sanctions for adultery is very questionable in light of Supreme Court decisions since 1965 relating to privacy and sexual intimacy, and particularly in light of Lawrence v. Texas, which apparently recognized a broad constitutional right of sexual intimacy for consenting adults.

  QUICK CHECK LIST OF SIGNS OF CHEATING

  • Working lots of overtime
  • Excessive use of the Internet
  • Additional mileage on the car
  • Hanging out with new friends
  • Smells of perfume, cologne, or alcohol
  • Hiding phone or cell-phone bill
  • Using a pager
  • No longer interested in sex
  • No longer wearing a wedding ring
  • Saying "I need space"
  • Sudden increase in time away from home
  • Often distracted and daydreaming
  • Not returning phone calls in a timely fashion
  • Asking about your schedule more than usual
  • Getting his or her laundry done independently
  • Using more Viagra
  • Paying more attention to clothes and accessories
  • More interested in trying new things sexually than before
  • Less attentive
  • Less interested in family issues
  • Has more cash on hand than usual
  • Has unexplained receipts or personal effects in wallet
  • Has unexplained payments on bank statement
  • Has gas credit card receipts from gas stations at uncommon locations
  • Getting suspicious phone messages
  • Making unusually long phone calls
  • Visiting unusual sites on the Internet
  • Getting uncommon e-mail messages
  • Becomes nervous when watched when on the phone or computer

Signs of an Affair: I Fell Out of Love...
and just love being in love

If there is one front-and-forward excuse for infidelity it is: " I fell out of love."

This usually means: I no longer feel sexually attracted to you (I'm sexually attracted to someone else, for now, at least.) Or, I need to spice my life with giddy emotional highs and intrigue every so often.

Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and patterns.

Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7.

And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.

One kind of affair I write about in my E-book is called, "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love."

Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:

1. Hang on to your seat. This may be some ride, much like a thrill ride at Sandusky. There will likely be many ups and downs, spiced with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go through his gyrations may leave you somewhat dizzy. He will give his all to this new-found "love" and at other times might find his way back to you.

2. Typically you will struggle with being ignored and feeling rather awful that you can't provide the "love" this other person seems to provide. You might find yourself questioning your capacity to "love" and your desirability. His affections will obviously be centered on that other person.

3. He may want to tell you about this other person. Not only might he want you to know about the other person he may desire to share with you some of the details of this relationship. He might want you involved. This creates an intense triangle that juices the drama. (Most classical love stories are dramas, complete with a triangle; he "falls in love" with the forbidden or unattainable princess. Often the drama ends as a tragedy - Romeo and Juliet.)

4. Expect some juvenile behavior such as love letters (e-mail), special names, special promises, secrets only for the two of them, etc. Some of these affair relationships are the result of unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he was responsible for family or beset by some trauma or internally or externally imposed injunctions that precluded him from dating, socializing with the opposite sex, and "falling in and out of love" a number of times, which is so important and vital for adolescent development.

5. You may hear the persistent phrase, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." He may truly "like you" and depend on your stability, goodness and understanding. The thought of losing that may keep him connected with you. His fear of losing that which is stable and enduring may conflict with his need to follow his feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may point to the internal emptiness that stirs up very uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. This is part of the roller coaster ride.

6. He may feel very badly about his "inability" to love you and his "inability" not to love the other person. He may express great remorse for the dilemma. He may profess deep sadness for "hurting" you - but, as you know, he has no control. His feelings drive him. His "concern" for you indicates his superficial understanding of relationships. Or, his "concern" for you may be a manipulative attempt to find an easier exit from the marriage.

7. Expect his feelings for the other person to fade. They will fade quickly if this is a pure "I've fallen out of love (and just love being in love)" affair. The "romance" of adolescent love affairs start quickly and end as abruptly. If, however, other issues come into play, such as, resentment and/or the inability to say no, you have a more complicated situation that takes longer to resolve.

When you think that your spouse is having an affair, you begin looking for different signs of cheating.  The trouble is, what is innocent behavior and what is really a sign that something is going on?  Below is some information that can help you decipher what to look for if you think your spouse if having an affair.  While this article was written for both men and women, most of the clues can help you decide what is going on.

46 Clues Your Partner is Having an affair

Some of these signs of cheating are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell-tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife.

1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

 2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.

7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.

8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.

9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.

10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.

11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.

13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

14) He buys himself new underwear.

15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.

17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.

21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.

22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.

25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.

30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.

31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.

32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.

33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.

34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.

35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.

36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.

37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.

38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.

39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.

40) She has a "glow" about her.

41) Atypical erratic behavior.

42) He sneaks out of the house.

43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed

44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.

45) He tells you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.

46) The telltale signs of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
 

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Think you may be facing infidelity or adultery?

Contact the infidelity and adultery private investigators who specialize in getting you proof. You do not need to live in fear and anxiety. Call us today and speak with one of our investigators. The call is free and confidential. +1 (866) 640.1010.

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